Posted tagged ‘numb’


March 10, 2008

For the past four to five months she had been feeling lifeless. Not that nothing was happening in her life. So much was happening that it had started to numb her senses and her completely. She could no longer talk even the sparing words she used to manage. Her answer to everyone’s every question was a mere smile. The smile, that didn’t give out what was going on inside her. Her expressionless face had always been such a boon. An irony in life.
Few who had noticed the recluse who had become an absolute recluse, who asked her to spill her mind out, telling her that keeping things to herself will only add to the built up whatever it was. But, what was she to say?…that nothing was going on in her mind…that her thoughts had gone blank. To everyone she seemed detached but to herself she was numb, more like lifeless…dead. All she could do was stare at the void space which seemed to surround her like a blanket.
She couldn’t express anything at all. She had become numb. Numb to herself and the things that affected her. She watched everything happening to her as though it were a mere movie. Movies never affected her, not even the most emotional and dramatic ones. So she stood there watching everything that was happening to her, like it was all happening to a complete stranger on a movie. Like it didn’t affect her…like it was not her life. She couldn’t feel the happiness when she heard the good news. She couldn’t feel any of her disappointments. She had become numb. When her grandpa whom she loved dearly had passed away, she was too numb even to feel sad. Not even a single tiny little drop of tear. She wondered…was she dead too? The hollow space which she felt inside her was only widening, creating a complete vacuum.
She wanted to shake herself awake. Shake her numbness away, just like the dog which shakes away all the water after it has had its bath. She stood there shaking, just to realize that all the vigorous shaking, in a hope to get back her life was only tiring. Nothing left her or creeped in. She felt numb. Numb, as she waited for it to pass away. Something she had always believed in. She would pass this phase too. Now, all she could do was wait and stare at the void space which seemed to surround her like a blanket.