The Paper Princess

Once upon a time, there was the Paper King.

He had a sheaf of daughters, all very pretty and white. He had so many of them that he just named them One, Two, Three, and so on. His favourite was the youngest, whom he called Theend.

One day, their old yellowed and crinkled aunt took the Paper King to task.

“Aren’t you going to get your daughters married? It’s about time. I can see the first one growing almost as yellow and crinkly as me! Do something before it’s too late!”

The Paper King was upset that his nap was disrupted so rudely – his back hurt all the time and he could barely stand straight by himself. However, he did see the point his sister was trying to make. He sent out all the pages to announce the search for suitable grooms.

The first groom to arrive was the Paintbrush. He was very proud of his thick hair, and his vibrant colours.

“Call me the Camel”, he said, preening vainly.

Princess One fell head over heels in love with him.

“Oooh! I love the way his hair tickles me all over!” she cooed.

The Paintbrush insisted that he give her a makeover, and dressed her in his family colours before the wedding. Princess One made no protest that she had to change so completely to marry him.

The second groom to arrive was Crayola the Crayon.

He was a flaky chap – on first sight, he appeared very sharp and handsome, but as you got to know him, you realized he was quite blunt and boring. His behaviour was rather patchy, but Princess Two was completely taken by him.

“Ooooh! I love the way he rubs me all over!” she cooed.

The Crayon too lost no time in given Princess Two a complete makeover, but she did not protest a bit.

The next to arrive was Prince Parker the Pen. He was very smartly dressed in a blue and silver armor, and had a very sharp nose. Princess Three was completely bowled over by him.

“Ooooh! I love the way he teases me all over!” she cooed.

Prince Parker then insisted that Princess Three change according to his whims, and she did not protest.

Theend watched all her sisters getting married thus, changing so drastically that they no longer remained what they were earlier.

“What about you, my child?”, the Paper King asked her fondly.

“My time has not yet come, Papa”, she replied cheerfully.

She waited by her window everyday, seeking the one she would marry.

Finally, the Pencil, came along. He was a brave and cheerful fellow, who soldiered on inspite of having to carry a burden as heavy as lead. He was dressed in red and black, and went by the name of common name of Nataraj.

“Papa, this is the one I wish to marry!” Theend declared.

“Him?” The Paper King was taken aback.

“But why, you could have anyone you pleased?

”“Papa, I love him because he will let me be myself!”

The Paper King had no choice but to consent.

Theend and Nataraj were married and they lived to a ripe old age, till they both disintegrated.

A new day, everyday

Wouldn’t it be nice,

if every new day,

we were really reborn ?

If the innocence lost the previous day were restored ?
if we could continue believing in our dreams,

keeping the faith,

without any of it

marred by the disillusionments of the previous day ?

If we could write off all the faults committed before,

even if it meant that we would probably repeat them ?

Wouldn’t our conscience then be the pink

like that of a newborn baby’s feet ?

so tender,

so untouched,

so unscarred by the abrasive world.

Pink as only purity can be ?

as only freshness can be?

The Tag

People have asked me to do this ‘about me’ tag….

So here goes!!

Ten things you wish you could say to people right now (don’t take names)

1. I miss you, I wish you were here with me!!

2. Please leave me alone, I can do things by myself…

3. I do get serious when it really does matter.

4. What are you saying? I do not watch T.V or use the computer for more than half an hour a day!!

5. Don’t I deserve a chance to prove myself?

6. Hey, things will become okay!!

7. Don’t breathe down my neck

8. I love you

9. Lets go out for an ice-cream

10. Why dont I get a break from doing physics, chem or math??

Nine things about yourself

1. I am a very sensitive person, but on the outlook I act bonkers!!

2. I love music, books and tennis and I consider them an integral part of my life

3. I can get into a temper tantrum over the smallest of things to the annoyance of pepole around me. ( u’d have to know me well to identify my mood swings!!) P

4. I cannot imagine myself to survive even for a day, without someone to talk to!!

5. Chocolates and ice-cream can really get me going

6. I kick, roll and talk in my sleep….

7. I can’t stand people instructing me 24/7

8. I can adjust to anything new, pretty quickly

Eight ways to win your heart

1. Get me a bar of chocolate or an ice-cream

2. Act as a chatter box, to accompany me!!

3. Understand my mood swings

4. Do not nag me and keep telling me what to do

5. Be un-conventional

6. Read and post comments on my blog!!

7. Be open- minded

8. Be there when I truly need you.

Seven things that cross your mind a lot
1. Going back home to dubai
2. Holidays!!
3. Why are my results always so pathetic?
4. Why does CBSE have to be so hard? (or maybe just Kumarans!!)
5. When I’d be able to ride a bike!!
6. When I’d get to meet Rahul Dravid..
7. My next visit to Samarthanam.

Six things you wish you never did
1. Taken grade 11 for granted and fared miserably!!
2. Yelled at people close to me for no fault of theirs.
3. Gotten all worked up nd cried over trivial issue, all to myself…
4. Let various opportunities, just go by!!
5. Done anything to let my parents down.
6. Been naive and let people take advantage of me!!

Five Turn offs
1. Bitching about people behind their backs
2. People not looking at me when being talked to
3. Show- off’s
4. Pessimissim
5. People trying to be something they aren’t!!

Four turn on’s
1. People being frank
2. Being open-minded
3. People full of energy,always ready for something
4. Wit

Three things you want to do before you die
1. Prove that I am am worth a lot!!
2. Organise a programme exclusively for children with special needs to display their talents!!
3. Bungee jumping

Two smileys that describe you
,
One confession
I love dancing to myself!!

I tag Kadambari, Priya, Aditi, Poorna, Abhishek…
Really, its a lot of fun!!

Numb

Numb.

For the past four to five months she had been feeling lifeless. Not that nothing was happening in her life. So much was happening that it had started to numb her senses and her completely. She could no longer talk even the sparing words she used to manage. Her answer to everyone’s every question was a mere smile. The smile, that didn’t give out what was going on inside her. Her expressionless face had always been such a boon. An irony in life.

Few who had noticed the recluse who had become an absolute recluse, who asked her to spill her mind out, telling her that keeping things to herself will only add to the built up whatever it was. But, what was she to say?…that nothing was going on in her mind…that her thoughts had gone blank. To everyone she seemed detached but to herself she was numb, more like lifeless…dead. All she could do was stare at the void space which seemed to surround her like a blanket.

She couldn’t express anything at all. She had become numb. Numb to herself and the things that affected her. She watched everything happening to her as though it were a mere movie. Movies never affected her, not even the most emotional and dramatic ones. So she stood there watching everything that was happening to her, like it was all happening to a complete stranger on a movie. Like it didn’t affect her…like it was not her life. She couldn’t feel the happiness when she heard the good news. She couldn’t feel any of her disappointments. She had become numb. When her grandpa whom she loved dearly had passed away, she was too numb even to feel sad. Not even a single tiny little drop of tear. She wondered…was she dead too? The hollow space which she felt inside her was only widening, creating a complete vacuum.

She wanted to shake herself awake. Shake her numbness away, just like the dog which shakes away all the water after it has had its bath. She stood there shaking, just to realize that all the vigorous shaking, in a hope to get back her life was only tiring. Nothing left her or creeped in. She felt numb. Numb, as she waited for it to pass away. Something she had always believed in. She would pass this phase too. Now, all she could do was wait and stare at the void space which seemed to surround her like a blanket.

Numb.

 

A moment

A moment in my life,
A moment so miniscule,
that it could be easily overlooked,
with a shrug of the shoulders,
like it never existed,
never happened,
but…

The moment does not stare at me,
does not hold me in a vise-like grip,
it sometimes manages to waft in,
slow and seductive,
I manage to shake it away easily,
with almost no-effort,
but…

For days the thoughts don’t drift,
the concious does not let go,
not even for a second,
life gains attention,
moments of the present overtaking,
what happened so long ago,
but…

No longer is there a longing,
breathing comes naturally,
in and out, in and out,
there is no pressure to to be happy,
the moment is all but forgotten,
as I peep into the eyes of someone familiar,
but…

Surely it has been more than a few lifetimes,
since the moment came to haunt me,
seems like so long ago,
I must have gotten over it,
I decide triumphantly,ready to party,
but…

But right this moment,
it is different,t
here is just that moment and no others, not the ones before,
not the ones after,
why is it that how many ever times
I have tried to burn it,
it is always there – a but!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Inspired form the lines,
“ek chota sa lamha hain jo khatm nahi hotha, main laakh jalaata hoon wo bhasm nahi hotha”

Duping Murphy

Disclaimer: None of what is about to follow is scientific. I am aware that Physics, if given eyes to read this, and hands to wield a hammer with, will read this and beat me to pulp!!!

I think there’s a murphy’s law that goes something like “only when you absolutely give up on something, do you get it”

Ever lost a key ? You look everywhere, backtrack everything you did from when you last remember seeing it, and then go to all those places and search for it and then never find it. Then you kinda give up. You take the duplicate (thank god you found that one) and begin using it rather remorsefully. You aren’t able to really stop searching though. Suddenly, maybe in the middle of the night, you go to the fridge to drink some water and start searching in the fridge (just in case you know ? you’ve searched in all the right places and didn’t find it. maybe you oughtta search in the oddest of places) but to no avail. A couple of days go by. Everytime you use the duplicate you feel slightly incomplete. You miss the old key. You liked the old key. When you had the old key, you always knew that if you lost it, you’ll be able to use the duplicate. But now you panic a tad about making a duplicate of the duplicate. You pray that you find the key

Few days later you’re closer to giving up. You’ve given up trying to find it. You’ve given up missing it. You’ve even given up being extra careful with the duplicate and decide the time has come for the final burial, symbolized by the making of the triplicate. The key maker asks you to come back in the afternoon. You say ok. Just as you’re leaving home, you find the original-staring at you as though it was always there, staring at you as though all the world’s a blind spot to you.

I’ve seen this happen with me so many times (yes -I am in the habit of losing things and often(the definition of often being as vague as it can be) finding them too). But it’s always always only once you’ve truly given up.

In the last one week, by virtue of doing absolutely nothing about it, I’ve found a shirt, a very important marks card, some more clothes that I thought I’d seen the last of, old memories and so on and so forth.

The trick to getting something or finding something is to do nothing about it. Nothing. The only requirement is that you set the balls in motion. As in, i suppose it’s important that you realize that you’ve lost something, or haven’t got something yet and generally let it be known- a plea into the air. You have to let it be known to Murphy’s random quark cluster (or any fancy word) that they’re supposed to re-aggregate into a key, or a yacht, or a dog or whatever it is you’ve lost. And then, and I think this particular step is important, you have to let go. Forget about it. Not pretend to have forgotten about it. No- that won’t work. Murphy’s quarks can sense that you don’t trust them. And you see, that, i think is perceived as terribly insulting behaviour. And they will of course refuse to acquiesce to your wishes. Maybe they draw energy from your trust. Maybe they require you to be their moral support. I don’t know. But the point is, you have to let go, and decide that your key is doomed for, that your yacht is being eaten by crazy beings deep under and that there’s an alien with ten hands somewhere who doesn’t quite know how to fit into your two handed shirt, but will choose to keep it as proof of alternative forms of intelligence. You simply have to let go.

And then, the quarks will go about their business, and voila!!!, you’ve found whatever it is you’ve lost.

I know this works for small things. But I wonder about big things. Is it possible to get something that I want really really badly, if I really, truly sit and do nothing about it ? It throws the whole “as you sow, so you reap” philosophy into debris. But if it is true, I wonder if i’ll ever be courageous enough to try it.

There are things in this world that just need to happen. It isn’t about your potential or how much you’ve worked for it or how much you deserve it. There are things that happen that have no specific relation to the input. They’re born from nothing, and they’re beautiful and exciting and fulfilling and perfect. There’s nothing more you’ll need and nothing more you’ll want, and there will be no point in remembering a time when you didn’t have it, or worrying about a time when you won’t have it. for the time they last ( a few seconds to eternity), they define perfection. And yet, i wonder, if i can be lucky enough to get it by simply not bothering about it.

Dare i try ?
Sadly, the answer is- no.
I don’t!

But until then, i’m quite content with knowing that i’ll never lose what i already have.

Flight of freedom

A bird trapped, her feet tied with the cage
Her mind accepts her fate, her soul cries in rage
She sings in husky voice, perceptible enough for her ears
She shouts so loud that only her inner world hears

One day an angel flies from heaven
It unties the rope, the bird tastes freedom
Her songs are no more husky
Her shouts meek, she is no more angry
She forgets the anguish, the curse, and the times
She spreads the passion, the new contentment so divine

Alas the innocent bird in the new day
Forgets that the rope is not far away
With the charismatic freedom, she wishes to fly
Her feet, though free, her wings still cry
The realization scoffs at her, laughs aloud.
She looks dismally at the sky, covered in a blanket of clouds
Her structure may be free, but the cage is her only kingdom
Her soul is now trapped in the new caged freedom

Too late to turn back, she now lives in compassion
With her soul and wings hidden behind the flairy curtains

Hands

There’s all these things hanging and jutting out in a lotta weird ways from our bodies (or from the core of our bodies ?) and i’m wondering why i haven’t put a lot of them to better use.
My hands especially- i’ve never really used them for much. apart from the eating, cleaning, moving them while talking motions, haven’t used them for anything.
There’s so much one can do with them- artily craftily speaking… Wonder why i haven’t,
and there’s this circular logic thing that i’ve run into-the dexterity and co-ordination comes from having neurons in your brain properly wired, and neural networks set at the right threshold impulse levels and such.
So now that i wanna do all these things with my hands, i wonder if i’ll be able to… i mean, will my brain listen to me ? probably not ?so is there any point even bothering to do it ? i dunno. i really dunno.
but if i never try, i will never know.but if i already know, is there any point in trying ?i mean, sure it’s the journey that counts and not the destination. but… i mean, honestly.

But the point still remains, if i never try, i will never know.
will i ever try ?
apart from just sitting and wondering what “if”.i hope i do.i really hope i do.miracles happen right ?
and a badly made clay pot ain’t a miracle is it ?
no siree…
i’m rambling away in the hope that i will convince myself to do something about it.
ah nvm…
i shall meet this former self a coupla weeks/months/years from now… and let’s see if that latter self has done something about.which brings me into a whole different realm about time travel and stuff…
that’s reserved for another sunny day…

A little dream

A little dream burst forth
In the little heart of mine
To skim the skies with my toes
And play with stars that shine;
To spin the white cotton clouds
Into gossamer light
And hold aloft to sheath the winds
When I, like a dream, take flight.
To prance forth through viridian realms
The world at my feet
Through lavender to steal ones breathe
Nodding purple heads to greet
The misty breeze beneath my wings
As through my little dream I soar
Singing like a bird at dawn
As nightingales implore
Of little dreams and youthful tide
Of little hearts that burst
With promise of a world to see
And to see the world, the thirst…

Riding on a city bus

Everyone dreams, and wishes that they might someday become a reality. These dreams, and all we do to make them real and tangible, might be the only force that makes us skip from day to day without noticing the birds twittering or the roses romancing the wind. That there is as much romance in these visions as there is in our painstakingly built sand castles is ironic, strangely wicked and a subject that philosophers will debate for generations to come, but I shall let it pass.

Arun had a dream like everyone else but like no one else’s. He would tell his friends, and everyone else who was willing to hear him, that someday he’d like to travel on a city bus. Those of you who presume that Arun is very poor, that the few rupees needed to travel on a city bus were out of his reach, that he might have six children and one more to come are wrong.

Arun was a bachelor, living in an apartment that can be called comfortable. He owned a car, a TV set, a digital watch-the fad of yesterday and a mobile phone- the fad of today. But Arun wished that he might someday travel in a city bus. When he was once asked if he couldn’t do it today, he said,“no, because today I must work so that tomorrow I may realize my dream.”

Arun wasn’t simplistic. He yearned for every materialistic pleasure that the world had to offer. But someday, he hoped that he would have it all. The digital watch and the mobile phone he already had. He never bothered wishing that he’d own a tower on the moon, or the Great Wall of China. Dreams must be realizable he said. “All I want to do is travel on a city bus one day, and that itself poses such a big problem.”

Arun wanted it all, or wanted to reach a point in his life where he felt that he had it all, except perhaps a ride in the city bus. A ride in the city bus, where he can sit and watch the lady rushing to her work, or that man who’s dreading meeting his superior, or the driver himself yelling obscenities at other drivers yelling the same at him. Arun wanted to look at the squirrel gathering acorns for the cold winter, or the street dog drinking water from a muddy puddle. Arun wanted to smile at the beggar woman carrying a young child in her arms, and smile and give her money along with perhaps the metaphorical fishing rod. Arun wanted to ride in the city bus not in order to get anywhere, or to get away from elsewhere. For once, in his life he wanted to ride the city bus, because he had done everything else, and there was nothing else left to do.

Arun rides a city bus everyday today. Don’t ask me if he became a millionaire or if he actually did buy the Great Wall of China. But my friends, what does it matter, after all we too want to ride the city bus everyday. And I have an extravagant dream – that all of us might travel on the city bus someday.